When I used to waitress and people would complain about their steak being medium well and not medium, I used to say in my head “It’s a fucking steak, it’s not like I just gave you cancer”. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be upset if my steak was over done. I am talking about the people who throw a fit as if I gave them a cancer ridden steak and then went outside and ran over their dog. THOSE people…. they need a reality check. What is hilarious is now that I have cancer, I have labelled myself a “cancer snob”. It doesn’t happen all the time. To tell you the truth I often forget I have cancer. Since it is inside being an asshole and not staring me in the face. It is out of sight, out of mind. Then there are those moments though. When some annoying person is complaining about how long their commute is to work, or about their sunburn from the pool party last week. All I can think about is I wish I could go to work. I miss complaining about stupid first world problems as if they are my only problems. Those were the days.
The horrible thing is my wrath as a “cancer snob” is not just segregated to the non-sick folks. Oh no, I even pray on the weak. If I am speaking to someone who also has cancer, and we play the dance of “Oh, what type do you have?”. It is if I am asking with a royal flush in my hand.
“Oh you are 45 and have stage 2 _______………. that’s no fun. I am 28 and have stage 4 colon cancer which has metastasized all over my liver. Right now I don’t even have enough healthy tissue left to operate….”. Then I just stare at them. As if I won that hand when they went all in. It’s sick, I know. I have a feeling though there are a ton of people out there who have cancer or some other horrible ailment who play the same game in their head. Obviously it is horrible. Obviously there are worse things out there then what I have. Obviously I have the greatest sympathy for their own struggle. Obviously I bond with them and want nothing more for them to win their battle and be a survivor. But sometimes……. in my head I whisper “Nope, I win.”