Beautiful

It is common knowledge that woman do a lot of things to make themselves look “pretty”. But who is it for? Do they spend countless hours perfecting their hair and putting on makeup so that guy in the bar might actually come over to them? Or, do they do it to make themselves feel better. Boost of confidence so they walk a little taller. I personally think it is both, but actually more weighted on the “do it for themselves” side. I was one of them. I didn’t go all out like a lot of girls. But yes, straightening my hair and putting on some eyeliner definitely gave me that little extra boost. I thought loosing all of that I would never feel that way again, but then something changed.

I knew from the chemo that I had a big chance to lose my hair. I have always had long hair, so the thought of it all going a way was a big deal to me. I think it would be a big deal for most woman. I even had my own little selfie photo shoot of my long hair after my first round of chemo.

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Then on May 20th, I got out of the shower and my hair resembled a large bird nest. It was a tangled mess of hair that had fallen out. I had a breakdown. There was hair all over the floor, the counter, it was everywhere. I could not handle dealing with that everyday, so I decided then and there, to get it all chopped off.

My doctors also gave me the instruction to not use any hot styling tool on it, as this could further the damaging process. So there I was, shorter hair then I ever thought I would see on my head, and it was its natural wave.

After I noticed that I no longer had underarm hair (now this was a welcome AMAZING thing), I realized the hair on my head was not the only hair vulnerable. I decided that day to also refrain from using eye makeup, as I wanted to try and keep every lash that I had.

Then, the other day I was getting ready for a jack and jill and I realized something. I was bobby pinning a piece of my hair back in the mirror and thought, “I look beautiful”. There was no hot styling tool looking hair, no heavy amounts of makeup on my face, it was just me. It was an amazing feeling. Woman everywhere should try this. It has probably been about a month or so since I first started waking up and just being me. Everyday I look in the mirror 50 times from when I am brushing my teeth, to getting dressed, but it was that one night a month later that changed my perspective. Now when I look at my reflection, I am confident in what I see. I actually have more confidence now in my facial appearance than I did before when I was hiding behind long straight hair and makeup. I heard once, if you try a food you do not like 10 times, your tastebuds adjust and you learn to like it. I have discovered it works the same with your own self image…… it just takes a little longer.

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