My rational thinking kicked in when I was crying on Monday over my hair.
“If all I can do now is wear a headband to cover up the bald spots, what is the point of keeping it at this length? Also, when I am in the hospital and at home stuck in bed afterwards – I do not want to worry about washing my hair.”
So I messaged my hair dresser and told her it was time for a buzz. She countered back with, “Let’s try a pixie first, if it does not work then I will buzz.” So that is the game plan for Friday morning. Most of you will be at work counting down the hours till the weekend starts. I on the other hand will be counting all of the hairs as they fall by my feet.
For those of you who say, “It’s just hair…. it will grow back….. I would shave my hair too….” Yes, staying positive for me is great and I welcome it, but also you try waking up everyday, looking in the mirror and seeing this…
Now, maybe you will understand why shedding a few tears or a lot of tears is well called for.
I am not worried about what people who know me will think of my shaved head – I can tell them to F-off if they stare. It is more the reaction in public that I am not looking forward to. My cancer to me is personal. By that I mean I can be in a grocery store and no one would not even give me a second glance. With a shaved head I feel like I will have the words “CANCER” tattooed on my forehead. I am not ashamed by this, but I would like to not be labelled day in and day out. Imagine you had a yeast infection and had to have that tattooed on your forehead. Not cool.
It’s ok though, I will just learn how to play up my cheek bones and look fierce with no hair.