Babies

This whole kid thing is getting to me. Not the fact that I am now choosing to not have kids – that I got over pretty fast surprisingly. It has to do with those people out there who think a woman’s life is not complete unless she has a child. I’ve seen this article circling around Facebook that is called, “An open letter to my friends who don’t have kids”. Just that title alone pisses me off. Anyways, I chose to read a bit of it but then I realized I would rather be reading the TV guide. To sum up what the article said – it was about how some single friends feel resentful or almost jealous of their friend with child. They do not understand why this new friend has become all “mommy”, and would like their old “fun” friend back. Blah blah blah. Stupid things like this get right under my skin. Not every person without kids think this way. Do not share that crap. There are a million dumb people out there who will read that shit and try to relate it to their own experiences. Then the mom’s all rally together and write comments like “you go girl”, or “being a mom is so hard, who needs friends like that”. Shut up. All of you.

Let me explain something. I love kids. I always thought I would have them. When I was diagnosed and was informed it was probably genetic, I made the choice to not have children. This came about for a number of reasons, here are just a few:

1. I do not want to risk passing on the gene and having my children go through this.
2. My body is going through enough, I do not wish to put it under any more stress.
3. Chemotherapy is an awful drug and who knows what is has done/doing to my eggs.
4. If I were to have kids, I would put them first and not myself. If I were given the option for a risky surgery to save my life, I may not want to go through with it because of the thought of leaving my kids without a mother.

I had the crying moment with my mom back in May where I apologized for not giving her grandchildren. She made me feel so much better when she let me know it was ok, and that she was never the type that was just itching for a grandchild.

Now, back to “those” people. Just because a woman does not have children, it does not mean her life is any less. I love my friend’s children. I am so happy when they bring them by for a visit and I never mind talking for hours about the difference of cloth vs regular diapers. I am not a person who is thinking in my head, “Shut up already, I don’t have kids so I don’t care”. That would be like them saying to me, “Enough with the cancer talk, it is too depressing”.

My future life beyond this cancer will be filled with happiness and love. I will be surrounded by my friend’s children who will light up my eyes while I watch them discover this world. Then I will hand them back at night before I hop on a plane to Europe. Have fun at soccer practise losers.

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3 thoughts on “Babies

  1. shjohnson82 says:

    I love reading your posts! You go girl. There is nothin wrong with not having babes, I know many people who are complete fulfilled, happy and love every second of life and they opted not to have the little buggers. It’s does not makes you less of a women in anyway shape or form. For some they want them for others they don’t. You live your life the way you want and yes shut up to all those who judge!

  2. I am also realizing it may not be a good idea to have kids when my genetic errors will most likely require them to have their colons removed. I also like kids a lot, and I am thinking I will be the greatest uncle to my best friend’s daughters. After all, she sent me a letter when I was going to have my surgery and she woke up very early and spent half morning worried at school, and she’s three years old. I would have liked to have my own son (or daughter), but it is what it is, and I am doing my best to live these tough times as happy as possible. I try to be the brightest smile in the oncology area in my hospital.

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