Since this whole thing started back in April I have gone from weighing close to 160 to now 130. Last Fall I joined a gym because I hated that my weight had reached almost 160. All I wanted was to get to to 145. I told myself “If I can just get to that weight again, I will be happy.”. I am starting to understand why people with eating disorders speak about their weight the way they do. I know on the scale it says I am 130, but in the mirror when I strip down to just my undergarments, I still see 155.
*Before I continue let me just say I do not have an eating disorder. I have not tried to lose weight throughout my journey, it just happens when you have multiple surgeries. My appetite is back and last night I even made my side of fries into a poutine – so hush down.
That is how sick the female brain is. I know the weight is off my body because all of my skinny jeans now look like a loose pair of mom jeans that at tapered at the bottom. The only things that can cover my behind now are leggings and track pants – but heading into my favourite season, I really do not want to wear those everyday. Jeans, leather jackets, boots and scarves – my Fall staple items. Right now however it seems to be Roots track pants and sweater, Toms, and thick socks. Attractive and fashionable. Sorry fellas but I am taken.
I know the weight will come back, so I am not too worried about it. What I need to remember is what 130 looks like in my head. Not that much different. Now probably if I lost this weight the healthy way by being at the gym, the outcome would have a different reality. I would have a toned stomach instead of one with a big red line down the centre. Even still, I like a steak with a little bit of fat on it – adds more flavour.