Monthly Archives: December 2014

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 14,000 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 5 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

 

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This year truly has been the best holiday season I have ever had. It was the first time where each day spent with family and friends, was taken in moment by moment. Little things that would have come and gone before are now remembered and will become a cherished memory of mine. Gift giving was thought out and it was done not by monetary value, but with heart. I enjoyed the pleasure of watching other people open there gifts and felt and took in all of their joy in that moment. Laughter was everywhere and it is still warming my heart in this moment. The positive energy is continuous and lifts me up with just a thought of these past few weeks. My eyes and heart were open more than ever for the first time in my life. It was and still continues to be a beautiful experience that I would not trade for anything. My wish during this holiday season is that every person can experience even one tenth of the joy that I am feeling. Do not let the little things pass you by – they can be bigger than you could ever have imagined.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays

Xx

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Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

It is obvious to say that since April 2014 my life has changed – and also I have changed. I do not know how anyone being told that they are on deaths door, and then maybe not, and now who knows, would be able to not change even slightly. One of the biggest lessons that has changed my life is the mantra ” Don’t sweat the small stuff”. Could not be more true and very applicable to my daily interactions.

Driving down the road, a car comes out of nowhere and cuts you off. First reaction normally would probably be a few swear words, maybe followed by some fist shaking. Perhaps you are even the type to do a window roll down if you were lucky enough to catch that person at the next red light. Total stress time – 10 -15 minutes. But for what? Are you injured? Did you die? Is your car ok? Then what is the point? Maybe that person is rushing to the hospital because his wife is giving birth, or has explosive diarrhea, or just missed you in their blind spot. We have all been there – cut someone off and felt like shit because it was an honest mistake.

The person in line in front of you at the grocery store is taking 5 years to bag their items. Maybe last time they got home and their fresh loaf of bread was squished, or they did not notice you behind them.

Your partner forgot to put your laundry in the dryer. Well this one I could sympathize with. I spend good money on my clothes and do not want them smelling like stale water. Go ahead and through a fit – I’m on your side.

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Work

As strange as it may sound to some – I really miss working. I have been lucky enough to find a job in an industry I am actually interested in. I’m not saying every single day I miss the grind of traffic and the stress of a upcoming meeting – but yes for the most part I do in fact miss working. I enjoy having a purpose to my day. Most people I tell this to call me crazy. I know the purpose of my days right now should be heavily concentrated on just getting better, but that does not stimulate my brain.

Growing up I have always set high goals for myself. I had plans. I knew what position I wanted to be in by what age. That all came to a crashing halt this year. Going on LinkedIn every day is not helping my problem either. I am happy to see past and present coworkers entering into new positions and really making an impact in the workforce, but I cannot help the jealous feeling. While the world is still moving around me I feel like I am standing still. I know when I do go back to work I will go hard. Constantly trying to prove to myself and others that I am no different – in fact maybe even better than I was before at work. I would have a new appreciation for tasks that may seem mundane to most. I would feel like I have a purpose again. That probably sounds weird to read – however I am not sure how else to word it.

Until I have consistent clear scans, my work life will remain on hold. I would hate to go back to work only to have to remove myself again. School has become something to now look forward to in the new year. If I can’t work right now the next best thing would be to stay up to date with the latest education programs for my industry. Man I sound like a geek. Oh well.

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Hair Loss

What girl doesn’t want baby smooth legs everyday? That part of hair loss is the fun bit. The loss of hair on my head is another. The funny thing is now that it is gone, people around me have begun this new quirk. I call it – being pet like a dog. If I am in a social setting with people I am either super close with, or even people I just know – a lot of them seem to pet my head. I am not sure why – maybe they just want to feel the buzzed head – but it is not the same as touching a pregnant woman’s stomach (which even that, people should ask the person first). Honestly though why do people think it is ok to just reach up and pet me like a dog? They smile and think it is cute and all I can think is – “Are you serious? I am glad you find this amusing because I am still dealing with the loss of my hair emotionally.”

So what do I do when I want to pretend to be “normal” for the day – I put on my wig. This however also causes people to act out of turn. Yes – I am wearing a wig – but why do you feel the need to remind me of that?

“I love your wig. If I didn’t know you I would think it was real.”

Well if I didn’t know you I would think your boobs are real but we all know there is a shit load of padding in that thing. Just as inappropriate to say. Please do not point out my insecurity. I do not comment on the fact that you look 15 pounds lighter because of your Spanx.

Maybe this is why some choose to wear a scarf on their head? I find this instantly shuts people up. It is like wearing a “I have cancer” sign around my neck. No one talks about my hair because it is clear I do not wish to show it, and no one comments on the fact I am wearing a scarf. It is the perfect solution! Only problem is I do not like to advertise my sickness. Next solution? I bought a ton of big winter hats. Now I am “that person” who does not take their hat off in a restaurant – but I really don’t care.

My arm hair though – still will not give up the fight. It is like it is saying to me, “Oh you think just because you have cancer I stop embarrassing you? Please bitch I am going no where.” Geeze arm hair – why you gotta be such a rebel? Like can’t you just thin out a bit? Now I don’t even wax it. I am just leaving it as an experiment to see how long it holds on till. Hopefully it shares its secret with my lashes and eye brows.

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