I have never been so sick. The chemotherapy I received last week did a number on my system. I felt extremely nauseous, weak, and dizzy. I could barely manage to swallow my anti-nauseous pills without gaging over a bucket. Something was and is not right. My new clean diet was just getting on track before my treatment. I was feeling so strong and like the person I knew before all of this ever begun. Yet now here I lay, on a couch, for days on end. Trembling over a slice of apple while crying because I just want it all to go away. I am my only advocate. I do not care if this new chemo I am on can sustain my life for 5 years (They haven’t said that by the way). What is 5 years living on a couch? That is not living, that is just surviving. I want to live. I want to be able to do everything I have always wanted to do and more. I want to be able to enjoy the company around me and feel the fresh air as it enters my nose. I want it all. This new drug is limiting me. It is a very hard choice when deciding what you should do when you are dying. I will not be able to please everyone. Heck, I may not please anyone in the process. At then end of the day I am only worried about myself. If I feel good then that is all that matters. It just does not make sense to me to go from feeling 100%, to poisoning myself to the point where I can barely move. I am not saying I am giving up on chemotherapy, but I am definately saying a firm “no” to the last drug that was pumped through my veins. 

5 thoughts on “Living

  1. Michelle October 30, 2015 / 6:48 am

    Have you ever thought about alternative therapies?

    • Jamie October 31, 2015 / 10:50 am

      Yes I have I am researching a good naturopath who specializes in cancer

  2. Michelle October 30, 2015 / 6:52 am

    Have you ever thought of alternative therapies?

  3. Julia November 1, 2015 / 1:08 am

    Hi Jamie, I would consider giving Chris Wark a call. His blog has a ton of very useful videos. He was diagnosed with stage IIIc colon cancer at 26 and has been cancer free for the past 12 years.

    • Jamie November 1, 2015 / 7:59 am

      Thank you for letting me know I will definitely take a look!

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