It’s been keeping me up at night. Two years. That is what my surgeon thought I would live for. Of course I didn’t find this out until a few weeks ago. My two year diagnosis aniversary will be on April 14th. I am hoping to be away, some place warm. Some place with my toes in the sand where I can laugh at how wrong they were. I know why doctors lie and don’t tell you what they are really thinking. If he had told me I only had two years left, I might have said no to chemotherapy. My mind and body might have given up the fight. So obviously I am happy he did not tell me the truth that day. What plays in my mind though is when will he lie to me again? It is bound to happen at some point. He will smile and say something nice but not too nice. He says that all the time, “I will never say things in absolutes Jamie.” I know, but sometimes it would be nice. To say if we operate I do not think we will have anything to worry about for at least a year. Of course my goal is to never have it come back again, but hell I would take a year if it was a guarantee.
I’m not sure if it is so much a plan, but more like a “choose your own adventure”.
Sitting with my surgeon and my oncologist they both let me know I have options, and here are the main two:
– Have surgery in the Spring/Summer
– Have surgery in late Fall
Without typing for days and boring you with all of the little details, the way I read those options are:
– Less chemo
As you may know by now, man do I hate chemo – so you can guess which option I am going for.
So what will this entail? Well I will have my lovely mid section sliced open again to access my liver. Totally cool. Oh and I will have both lungs operated on. Double chest tube! I am PRAYING that they say I only have to do two more rounds of chemo and then I will get my pre-operation break for all of March and April. However it is more likely that they will push me to do chemo right up until 6 weeks before my surgery.