Scan Day

I’m usually not nervous for my scans, probably because I have never had a clear one for a significant amount of time yet. Today’s scan is a little worrisome. If there are any additional growths – they will be calling off my surgeries. I know I won’t be any worse off than I thought I was in the Fall, but now I have started “hoping” again. What am I dreaming about when I lay in bed at night? Going back to work. I know, I sound like a crazy person, but I can’t tell you how much I miss working. I think it is because I am such a goal oriented person. I had so many things I wanted to accomplish in the workforce. I set goals for myself of where I would be at this point in my life – and it is really hard to give those things up. If I am able to go back in the Fall, it will be like starting at square one. I am hoping that I will be able to pick things back up at a rapid rate, but who really knows? I have no idea the greater effects all of the drugs and stress has had on my brain. If you look up the term “chemo brain” it is real. It is something that gets referred to and joked about all the time amongst the cancer community. I am not sure we can fully blame chemo for all of our issues, I feel like the stress from everything that has gone on plays a major role in our depleting brain functions. Unfortunatly at this point it is kind of out of my control. I just have to hope for the best – as I do with everything – and continue on with my day. Listen to me – I am stressing about the effects stress has on myself. Kind of a contradiction. 

3 thoughts on “Scan Day

  1. Gail March 30, 2016 / 8:08 pm

    praying for you.

  2. kathleen March 30, 2016 / 10:31 pm

    it’s really unfair that having cancer forces you to consider these heavy questions.

    we shouldn’t have to think about such things until we’re 80.

    if only life was simple enough to merely worry about the drama you were referring to in your previous post

    life is so complicated right now

    I really really hope your scan is good and that the surgery will go ahead as planned

    take care, kathleen

  3. Sam March 31, 2016 / 12:15 pm

    I’m thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way! I hope that you get the results that approve you for surgery! In the meantime think about that fabulous beach you will be sitting on in a few weeks! ❤️❤️❤️

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