No, this is not about to be a hilarious story of some drunken antics I got up to over the long weekend. And for the record, I have never been “black out drunk”. So to all those friends who over the years I said, “I did what? Oh I don’t remember at all” – that statement was a load of bull.
My first surgery of the summer took place on May 2nd and was quickly followed by a second on May 4th. I called my fiancé on May 8th and to my surprise (and apparently also his), he said “Oh hi – Wow you sound like yourself today.” Um sorry? The weird thing about blacking out in the hospital is that you do not realize you were until it is all pointed out to you. It still hadn’t hit me yet that the past week of my life was all just a blur. A few days later my mom was visiting after work (as she did everyday) and said, “Oh you were so mean on Saturday. You were yelling at me and told me to leave and never come back. I cried to your father about how if this was your new personality, I don’t think I want to take you home.” How horrible is that? I felt awful. I can remember pieces of that week, mainly just the painful things. I remember having to flip on my sides for my sponge bath, and how painful that was. I remember HGTV always being on the television. I remember the day I hallucinated and screamed out to my nurses that I must have a fever (which I was right about). I know one afternoon I was screaming out in pain and begged anyone who would listen to me to make it go away. Besides those few things, I don’t remember much else.
I asked around and have been able to figure out what I was saying and doing for those days. Here are some stories I was told:
“One day you wanted to pull out the line going into your port. You were so angry when we tried to hold you down and stop you from doing it.”
“You thought I had your phone in my purse and began to throw everything out of it screaming at me to give it back.”
“The tv stopped working and you lost it.”
“You thought I had cookies in my hand and kept reaching out to get them.”
“You thought I had doughnuts and wanted them.”
“Everything on your lunch tray you wanted to put in your coffee cup. Then you got mad when we wouldn’t let you.”
“You walked the halls of the ICU with your catheter, epidural and chest tube in – somehow in no pain.”
“Anything you tried to do you would fall asleep after 20 seconds. Mid sip of a drink – asleep. On the phone – asleep.”
“We were concerned with how out of it you were. We thought you would slip into a coma in the night.”