Flip Flop

Do you want to know how I know my brain is fucked up right now? I just had a great day in Toronto. It started because I had to go to the hospital for a blood test, but even that didn’t bother me. After, I went shopping with my now sister-in-law and got a sweet new pair of jeans. I haven’t purchased jeans in 3 years. I have been reluctant to do so, since when I am sick I live in sweat pants and leggings. But today I said, fuck it, I am buying some nice ass fucking denim. We had a nice lunch together, I saw her new place and just chilled. Here are some important points to note:

1 – The whole purpose of this trip to the city was for blood work

2 – Every time I tried on pants I had to make sure they didn’t rub on my scar

3 – My short hair was air-dried and not in the best shape because it’s hard to style myself

4 – I had to buy a shirt in a medium instead of a small just because the bumps on my stomach showed

Even after thinking and talking about all of those things, none of it bothered me. I was out, surrounded by good company and I was feeling great. On the drive home there were some great tunes on the radio and I was car dancing and reflecting on my lovely day. What happened next? Tears. Here are some important points to note:

1 – The whole purpose of this trip to the city was for blood work

2 – Every time I tried on pants I had to make sure they didn’t rub on my scar

3 – My short hair was air-dried and not in the best shape because it’s hard to style myself

4 – I had to buy a shirt in a medium instead of a small just because the bumps on my stomach showed

It’s funny how none of those things even bothered me at the time. They came in my mind and just as quickly left it because that is just normal life for me now. But as soon as I am alone and its quiet, my stupid brain doesn’t shut off and just likes to put emphasis on all the bad parts. Thank goodness my therapy sessions start up again next month.

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3 thoughts on “Flip Flop

  1. Gail says:

    It’s your amygdala. It IS the worst when you are alone and it’s quiet. My psychiatrist gave me some great tools to shut it the fuck up and to get my frontal cortex to take over again. It’s not easy. On the bright side….new nice ass fucking denim.

  2. Katie says:

    Sending my love from Minnesota ❤️❤️

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