It’s Back

Just when I thought I could start planning my life again, it came back.

My latest scan shows a small spot on my lower right lung. I am trying to look at the positives instead of drowning myself everyday in the negatives.


  • It is located on my “good” lung (only one operation)
  • It is not on my liver
  • It is small and easily accessible
  • Surgery is an option


  • I still have cancer


But I guess I’ve always known that. It is the message I have been trying to communicate for months now. To all of the hopefuls who exclaimed, “You beat it!” – this is why I was still sad. With stage four cancer, you never really “beat it”. I knew there was a very high chance it would return, and I was hoping it wouldn’t be this fast. So once again I am putting my future life on hold and go back to living one day at a time. Now, it feels like I am just going through the motions. Living in this purgatory state with no direction, just a “see you in April” from my surgeons. If that scan shows minimal growth and no new friends, then operation number seven will take place this summer. There are a million different scenarios that can come into play, but like I said I am taking it day by day. I can and will drive myself crazy if I constantly think of all of the “what ifs”. I have no control over the scan, what I do have control over is my mind and diet. As long as I stick to a clean diet, and try to keep a healthy mind, I am hopeful that I can prevail.

11 thoughts on “It’s Back

  1. Gail February 4, 2017 / 3:30 pm

    I absolutely agree with you on two points. One: at stage four, you’re never cured. I’d want to beat anyone who told me: “You beat it” with a stick…around the head area. Yes, savage of me. Nonetheless…I don’t know why people think it’s a positive thing to say to someone. It is if you have stage one, stage two and perhaps stage three. Stage four? STFU. Acknowledge stage four. Accept it. If you’re a friend or family member, don’t pretend that everything is going to be alright. It’s really not comforting at all. Two: control the things you can. Yep. Eating well and exercising won’t cure cancer, but it makes you feel in control and it will keep you in shape (physically and mentally) for what is to come. Plus your surgeons will be grateful that they are not operating on a pile of blubber. Trust.

    This fucking sucks. I’d want them to operate NOW and get that fucker out of your lung. I understand the wait, but geeezzzz….

    Thanks for the update. If you want any workout tips, let me know. Freebies for you.

    • Jamie February 5, 2017 / 7:45 am

      Always right on point Gail 🙌

  2. Tiffany Lymon February 4, 2017 / 10:39 pm

    Just read every post of your whole blog. Your spirit is amazing….you feel the feelings, express them, move past them and share them. I know all that has to be hard. Thanks for being an inspiration even when you are not feeling inspired. I am living with a lifelong condition and I just try to remember that all things – good bad – shall pass. It keeps be humble and grounded. Here,s to living fully moment to moment.

    • Jamie February 5, 2017 / 7:47 am

      Thank you Tiffany ☺️ sometimes it is comforting to know someone else is also struggling with trying to maintain a positive outlook too – even though I don’t wish it upon anyone

  3. SLee13 February 7, 2017 / 1:06 am


    All I can say is to continue staying strong with a positive mind.

    I myself had a recurrence last September and I guess a positive way of looking at it is that we found it early enough. I am doing Immunotherapy right now, which sort of sucks but gotta keep fighting!

    Hope you a safe surgery and a great outcome!

    • Jamie February 7, 2017 / 8:26 am

      Thanks I will! Can I ask where you are getting immunotherapy and for what type of cancer?

      • SLee13 February 7, 2017 / 8:37 am

        I am from the Southeast Asia, so cant really advise on much.

        My Immunotherapy is Cetuximab antibody with a FOLFIRI+Folfox+Ibuprofen chemo combo.

        My cancer is Appendix Cancer but I have a 3 generation of genetic colon cancer which mine is probably related too.

        The treatment seems to be working for me so far in terms of my tumor markers dropping each round of treatment.

      • Jamie February 7, 2017 / 8:40 am

        That is great to hear it is working for you! They haven’t fully rolled it out here in Canada so I’m always curious when I find out people are receiving the treatment. Keep in touch!

      • SLee13 February 7, 2017 / 8:43 am

        I see, it can depend on which hospital you go to and whether other patients with your type of cancer have been tested with this new type of treatment. Ask your oncologist about what plans they have for you after your surgery, you could suggest Immunotherapy to them if it is available.

      • Jamie February 7, 2017 / 8:45 am

        I’m hopeful for the surgery but that is my plan if it doesn’t pan out. ☺️

      • SLee13 February 7, 2017 / 8:51 am

        Hoping all the best for you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s