Menopause

If you haven’t already guessed from the title of the blog post – I had the full hysterectomy. It wasn’t fun. We were at the hospital by 8:00am for an 11:00am surgery, however they were running behind and I wasn’t brought in till 1:30pm. I had to bowel prep the day before so I was starving and weak, not to mention the added stress just from stirring in a waiting room for hours on end. I woke up from the surgery in an extreme amount of pain. I couldn’t think or function, all I could focus on was the pain.

I found out that they wanted to send me home, that this surgery was considered a day surgery. Thankfully the nurse in charge in recovery could see my pain and ordered that I spend the night. So at 10:00pm I was finally wheeled up to my room.

That night was long. I was slightly drugged up, but not enough that it took away the pain. They didn’t bring me a commode so when I woke up to pee, I didn’t know what to do. The nurse that night also was pushy. It was as if the whole hospital was against me and didn’t believe my pain. They were treating me as if I just had a cavity filled and that I should be fine.

I should mention this surgery was not done at my regular hospital. There the whole staff knows me. They know that my pain tolerance is high, and that I am always pushing myself. So they would know that if I was complaining I can’t do something, I must be in a lot of pain.

Anyways, so the night nurse told me I had to walk to the washroom. She made me try and stand and walk on my own. I was able to take one baby step and then felt faint from the pressure and the pain. Reluctantly she got me a walker and told me to use that then. When I got to the bathroom the toilet felt like it was on the floor. Trying to sit so far down was difficult and again I was not offered any help. Once I was on the hard and low surface, she said to pull the help cord when I was done.

I couldn’t push out the pee because of the pain, so I had to sit and let it slowly dribble out naturally. I felt worse and worse every second sitting there. When I was finally done I pulled the cord. It felt like it took her 10 minutes to get back to me, and I thought I was going to fall over on the floor I was so weak. On the way back to my bed I was now in so much pain I thought I was going to be sick. Once I finally made it to bed, I told her I WAS NOT doing that again. If I had to pee anymore that night I had to have a commode chair. She finally fucking listened.

The residents working with my surgeon were not better. They were trying to push me out of the hospital and kept telling me that I shouldn’t be there anymore. Honestly it was a terrible 3 days. I don’t even feel like typing it all out because it was so frustrating. I didn’t even pay for the tv because I knew I wanted the hell out of there, but how can I leave when I can’t even walk!? Fucking idiots.

My surgeon actually ended up being uber nice. In my post OP I told her about the terrible way her residents spoke to me. If it’s a teaching hospital, then they need to be taught proper bedside manner.

What was discovered from the surgery was that it wasn’t just the right ovary that had cancer. Both ovaries and Fallopian tubes ended up all testing positive for cancer. The feeling of relief you think I would feel knowing that it was all gone was actually replaced with worry. First off, how did the other tumour on the other ovary miss all of the scans I had? And second, it it just really heart breaking knowing how riddled I was with cancer down there. Nothing is easy being stage 4.

So now I’m in full blown menopause. Hot flashes, mood swings, it’s all super fun. I feel like a shell of my old self. That I am just going through the motions of day to day but I am just not all there. My anxiety has increased 10 fold. It is also really weird thinking about how I just have this open cavity now “down there”. That all of those organs are just gone. I didn’t expect to feel so much sadness over that. It is just a weird thought.

My therapist said it is time for me to see a psychiatrist. That my anxiety has become so bad that I should probably consider taking medication for it. She also said I should probably make an appointment with an endocrinologist. But I will leave all of my frustrations around that for my next post ✌️

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One thought on “Menopause

  1. cait81 September 7, 2019 / 1:54 am

    Hi Jamie, I’m glad to see your update although not glad that the cancer was more extensive than thought. I have been on anti-depressants for anxiety since before diagnosis. They have really helped me. I also saw an endocrinologist recently as I now have no adrenals after my surgery in July. Replacement therapy has been really good. It is annoying to have yet another doctor to add to my list but I guess that’s stage 4 life. Xx

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