If you are a frequent reader of my blog you may have noticed I do not write as often as I used to. There’s a reason for it. Now that I am not only working on myself physically but also mentally, I have been trying to find healthy distractions to keep my mind occupied. These range from walking the dog, visiting value village, among other things. I’m not saying writing in my blog isn’t healthy, but it does force me to reflect on my life. Most days I would rather try not to focus on my current life situation. I still haven’t stopped crying at least once a day, but the tears are becoming less and less. I started seeing my therapist again so that has also helped immensely. She is helping me to become more social again. I always retreat in my cocoon for a bit after surgery, but this time it has lasted longer. I have developed trust issues with friends since that big blow out in the Spring with one of them. I’ve developed this idea in my mind that if I don’t hear from them, then so be it. I used to be the one who would make sure to always maintain those connections, but that old me seems to have fallen at the waist-side. This is what I am working on. I have to try and believe that not everyone is a bad person and I should stay connected. It will take some time, but I’m willing to take those baby steps. As for this blog, I’m not quitting don’t worry! I still have so much I would like to say and share – it just may take a little longer for me to do so.
Man changing a diet is hard. After a hard last weekend I made the decision to change my diet for good this time. Back in April when I was diagnosed, I chose to quit alcohol all together. At the time doctors did not tell me flat out to stop (now they do), but I still moved forward with my sobriety. What was the point of forcing my liver to work harder than it already is? It has been hard, but I was never a big drinker to begin with. Red meat however – red meat I love. Giving this up will be very difficult. I have to though. I need to slowly start dropping any type of food that is not going to help my fight.
It’s not steaks I will miss the most – it is the all mighty cheeseburger. I have said before if I was on death row and had one meal left of my choosing, it would be a cheeseburger. They are my most favourite thing. If anyone out there knows of a way to create this same taste without using red meat, I welcome the comments.
I have tried before many times to cut out red meat and have failed. From those failures I have learnt that I am unable to have “cheat days”. These do not exist in my world. One cheat day leads to two which then leads to all of my old habits back. Nope, this time it has to be all or nothing.
My next challenge is to slowly cut out white sugar. This unfortunately is in every single thing we eat it seems – but I will do whatever I have to do now to not have all of this pain be for nothing. What is the point of putting myself not just through one operation, but two, only to come out the other side still feeding my insides garbage.
By the way, I also welcome anyone who would like to cook for me. I am entering this blind – and have no patience in the kitchen.