It is becoming harder and harder to stay in a happy place daily. Who would have thought I would miss drinking this much? I was never a big drinker, maybe had one or two beers/cocktails every week. However when the girls get together with some wine, and I am drinking and ice tea, it makes me sad. Even at the cottage, sitting outside without a beer is kind of depressing. My hair is another thing dragging me down. Although my last chemo treatment was June 11th, it continues to fall out. My hair is now so thinned out that it looks dirty the same day I washed it. I am beginning to think that shaving it may make me happier. That way I would not have to worry about the hair all over the ground. It would also be much easier when I am in the hospital, not having to worry about my hair. Having people come to visit the last thing I should be thinking is if they can see how patchy the top of my head is now. I have less than two weeks now to decide.
I’m going to keep this short and sweet because who really wants to sit and read a post about poop. But seriously, how many times have you watched Oprah or Dr.Oz and they have gone on and on about the importance of your bowel movements. It is very true. Nothing speaks more to what is going on in your body then what is coming out of it. Although it is very apparent I am not doctor, so please do not take this as legit medical advice. I am just going by what I have experienced.
Firstly, if you have sharp pains when you are having a “looser” movement, this is probably not normal. Seeing those commercials on tv where people are holding their stomach on vacation, I thought that was the same pain. Unfortunately what I later discovered is they were just imitating a “gurgling” feeling, where mine feels like a knife coated in acid slowly moving through my intestines. Silly me not to think that it was just the greasy McDonalds and actually the feeling was most likely the stomach acid passing by four bleeding tumours. The scary part is how long I have had these intense pains for. When the doctors told me I have probably had cancer for 5+ years it was hard to believe. Then when I started thinking logically about things like this, the reality hit that they were right.
There are many other signs I could discuss but did not experience first hand. At the end of the day all I am trying to say is have a look before flushing and pay attention to discomfort. As small as it may seem, it could save your life.
iPads look even cuter when they have a little keyboard attached to them. (Is that really going to be my first sentence?)
I find it a tad ironic I am sitting here having a hard time finding a way to start this blog because I am having the worst acid reflex attack. My acid reflex attacks are what started this crazy life I lead today. Returning from beautiful Punta Cana in January of this year, I began having 4 straight days of uncontrollable acid reflex. Being the paranoid person that I am, I immediately thought I must have a parasite. After a visit to the walk-in, he gave me an abdominal exam where he felt underneath my right rib cage. It was tender. “Must be gallstones”, he said as he ordered me an abdominal ultrasound. By end of week I was in for that ultrasound. Laying on the table the tech began her examination. The first words out of her mouth were, “When was the last time you had a blood test?”. “Um, no idea”, and she carried on. Two hours later at home I received a phone call from the walk-in letting me know my ultrasound results were in and the doctor would like to speak to me. Obviously, I was nervous. I have never once received results back in such a timely manner. Heading into the office, all I could think of was that I must be pregnant. That would be the only logical reason why she asked me about a blood test….. which I actually have no idea if that even makes sense, but it did to me.
Hemangioma – a birthmark that most commonly appears as a rubbery, bright red nodule of extra blood vessels in the skin (www.mayoclinic.org)
“That is what I believe you have. Nothing to worry about, but I would like to send you for a CT scan just to be sure.”
I should probably write the entire first part of my story in one piece. I mean, it would make sense to explain everything that happened leading up to my diagnosis in one blog post, but I am not a writer and this is my blog so I make the rules. I have told my story to my friends over and over so many times I truthfully thought this would be a walk in the park. Surprise, I am wrong. I just found my self staring at “April 3rd, 2014 – CT Scan” for the past 15 minutes. Reliving the day in my head with a vivid memory of everything I felt. No thanks, it’s Friday morning and I need to eat something more than banana bread.