Temptation

Over the weekend I gave into the temptation – I ate red meat. This decision was not made hastily. During my chemo on Wednesday I spoke to my nutritionist about it and she let me know that it was completely my choice if I decided to continue to cut out the cow. She cautioned me if I did however choose to try it again, to start with ground beef rather than a big steak. Perfect, cheeseburgers are my go to meal anyways! My surgeon also said, “If you want a cheeseburger, have one.” So I kind of felt like they were all on the “Yay Red Meat” train right???

So Saturday night I had one side cut rib. Super small and barely anything to write about. The whole time I was still nauseous and having stomach pains so I chalked it up to just regular old life for me. Then Monday came.

Still nauseous but out and about I thought that after my hard week I deserved it. I have been off red meat since August and I should be able to treat myself. So I went for it. Single patty cheese from good old McDonalds. As I took off the wrapper I could tell – this shit was perfect. It is like they knew my addiction and they made it just for me. Every bite had the perfect ratio of cheese, onion, ketchup and mustard. No dry or greasy piece in site. I raved on about this perfect burger for the next hour. And truthfully if I was not with someone else, I would have stopped at a drive-thru for a second. Sure enough though, no more than two hours later, the stomach cramps began. My intestinal gas pains, acid reflex and debilitating cramps lasted until last night. A full day and a half of pain. Never again. And I mean it this time. The amount of discomfort I experienced is not worth the pleasure my taste buds enjoyed so much.

I do not consider myself a failure for trying red meat again. I never declared 100% that I would be off the stuff forever. (If I did say that in my old post, please ignore then….). I am human – we are not perfect and have set backs. I am just hoping that writing down my experience will help me to remember that it is not worth the agony afterwards. That, and I also need you people to slap me if I ever am tempted again.

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Diet Change

Man changing a diet is hard. After a hard last weekend I made the decision to change my diet for good this time. Back in April when I was diagnosed, I chose to quit alcohol all together. At the time doctors did not tell me flat out to stop (now they do), but I still moved forward with my sobriety. What was the point of forcing my liver to work harder than it already is? It has been hard, but I was never a big drinker to begin with. Red meat however – red meat I love. Giving this up will be very difficult. I have to though. I need to slowly start dropping any type of food that is not going to help my fight.

It’s not steaks I will miss the most – it is the all mighty cheeseburger. I have said before if I was on death row and had one meal left of my choosing, it would be a cheeseburger. They are my most favourite thing. If anyone out there knows of a way to create this same taste without using red meat, I welcome the comments.

I have tried before many times to cut out red meat and have failed. From those failures I have learnt that I am unable to have “cheat days”. These do not exist in my world. One cheat day leads to two which then leads to all of my old habits back. Nope, this time it has to be all or nothing.

My next challenge is to slowly cut out white sugar. This unfortunately is in every single thing we eat it seems – but I will do whatever I have to do now to not have all of this pain be for nothing. What is the point of putting myself not just through one operation, but two, only to come out the other side still feeding my insides garbage.

By the way, I also welcome anyone who would like to cook for me. I am entering this blind – and have no patience in the kitchen.