Pig In A Blanket

A cold + shaved head + digestive struggles = a blanket wrapped couch potato.

That pretty much sums up my week so far. I’m pretty sure it is the cold that is the main cause of dragging me down – but the head shave this time around has kind of gotten to me. Yesterday I was wearing a hat around the house because I still have a hard time looking in the mirror. What does not help is the chemo feels like it is rotting away my insides. My stomach is constantly distended and I have to do laps around my house to help work any sort of gas through. Ya thats right I said it – gas. Everyone does it so stop being so grossed out. When you add chemo into the mix it makes every single thing you put in your stomach into a gas pile that wants to just live inside and fester forever. I have been forced to sleep on an incline because lying flat kills my stomach. Again gentlemen – my man loves me and I’m taken. Winning!

I am hopeful by weeks end I will exit this pig in a blanket look. It would probably help to start with a pair of pants that are not oversized.

Temptation

Over the weekend I gave into the temptation – I ate red meat. This decision was not made hastily. During my chemo on Wednesday I spoke to my nutritionist about it and she let me know that it was completely my choice if I decided to continue to cut out the cow. She cautioned me if I did however choose to try it again, to start with ground beef rather than a big steak. Perfect, cheeseburgers are my go to meal anyways! My surgeon also said, “If you want a cheeseburger, have one.” So I kind of felt like they were all on the “Yay Red Meat” train right???

So Saturday night I had one side cut rib. Super small and barely anything to write about. The whole time I was still nauseous and having stomach pains so I chalked it up to just regular old life for me. Then Monday came.

Still nauseous but out and about I thought that after my hard week I deserved it. I have been off red meat since August and I should be able to treat myself. So I went for it. Single patty cheese from good old McDonalds. As I took off the wrapper I could tell – this shit was perfect. It is like they knew my addiction and they made it just for me. Every bite had the perfect ratio of cheese, onion, ketchup and mustard. No dry or greasy piece in site. I raved on about this perfect burger for the next hour. And truthfully if I was not with someone else, I would have stopped at a drive-thru for a second. Sure enough though, no more than two hours later, the stomach cramps began. My intestinal gas pains, acid reflex and debilitating cramps lasted until last night. A full day and a half of pain. Never again. And I mean it this time. The amount of discomfort I experienced is not worth the pleasure my taste buds enjoyed so much.

I do not consider myself a failure for trying red meat again. I never declared 100% that I would be off the stuff forever. (If I did say that in my old post, please ignore then….). I am human – we are not perfect and have set backs. I am just hoping that writing down my experience will help me to remember that it is not worth the agony afterwards. That, and I also need you people to slap me if I ever am tempted again.