Hair Loss

What girl doesn’t want baby smooth legs everyday? That part of hair loss is the fun bit. The loss of hair on my head is another. The funny thing is now that it is gone, people around me have begun this new quirk. I call it – being pet like a dog. If I am in a social setting with people I am either super close with, or even people I just know – a lot of them seem to pet my head. I am not sure why – maybe they just want to feel the buzzed head – but it is not the same as touching a pregnant woman’s stomach (which even that, people should ask the person first). Honestly though why do people think it is ok to just reach up and pet me like a dog? They smile and think it is cute and all I can think is – “Are you serious? I am glad you find this amusing because I am still dealing with the loss of my hair emotionally.”

So what do I do when I want to pretend to be “normal” for the day – I put on my wig. This however also causes people to act out of turn. Yes – I am wearing a wig – but why do you feel the need to remind me of that?

“I love your wig. If I didn’t know you I would think it was real.”

Well if I didn’t know you I would think your boobs are real but we all know there is a shit load of padding in that thing. Just as inappropriate to say. Please do not point out my insecurity. I do not comment on the fact that you look 15 pounds lighter because of your Spanx.

Maybe this is why some choose to wear a scarf on their head? I find this instantly shuts people up. It is like wearing a “I have cancer” sign around my neck. No one talks about my hair because it is clear I do not wish to show it, and no one comments on the fact I am wearing a scarf. It is the perfect solution! Only problem is I do not like to advertise my sickness. Next solution? I bought a ton of big winter hats. Now I am “that person” who does not take their hat off in a restaurant – but I really don’t care.

My arm hair though – still will not give up the fight. It is like it is saying to me, “Oh you think just because you have cancer I stop embarrassing you? Please bitch I am going no where.” Geeze arm hair – why you gotta be such a rebel? Like can’t you just thin out a bit? Now I don’t even wax it. I am just leaving it as an experiment to see how long it holds on till. Hopefully it shares its secret with my lashes and eye brows.

G.I. Jamie

Friday was my hardest emotional day so far. I knew shaving my head would be hard, but I did not expect a full day event. In the hairdresser’s chair I could not stop crying. We started with a longer pixie, and slowly went shorter and shorter. Since I was not handling it well, she suggested we leave it as a super short pixie, and allow myself the weekend to let it all sink it. For the rest of the day the slightest thought about my hair would make me cry uncontrollably. Then like nothing happened, Saturday I woke up fine. I was now starting to become comfortable in this new skin.


I knew the pixie was just a transitional cut. Underneath the headband was all bald patches. I had a feeling shaving my head would be so freeing. Getting over the hurdle was what I was scared of. It seems easier to other people. Everyone says, “Oh it’s just hair, it will grow back.”. That is very easy to say when it is not your hair. My sadness was over the loss of control. This was something I HAD to do, not something I chose to do.

A few weeks back by buddy shaved his head for me. He messaged me on Sunday letting me know he liked my pixie and that his head was due for another shave. I told him the pixie was not sticking around, so he said “Ok, why don’t you shave mine and then I will shave yours.”. Sounded like a perfect plan. So tonight, in his backyard, we shaved our heads.


I now feel back in control. Also, the breeze is wonderful. 🙂