Hair Loss

What girl doesn’t want baby smooth legs everyday? That part of hair loss is the fun bit. The loss of hair on my head is another. The funny thing is now that it is gone, people around me have begun this new quirk. I call it – being pet like a dog. If I am in a social setting with people I am either super close with, or even people I just know – a lot of them seem to pet my head. I am not sure why – maybe they just want to feel the buzzed head – but it is not the same as touching a pregnant woman’s stomach (which even that, people should ask the person first). Honestly though why do people think it is ok to just reach up and pet me like a dog? They smile and think it is cute and all I can think is – “Are you serious? I am glad you find this amusing because I am still dealing with the loss of my hair emotionally.”

So what do I do when I want to pretend to be “normal” for the day – I put on my wig. This however also causes people to act out of turn. Yes – I am wearing a wig – but why do you feel the need to remind me of that?

“I love your wig. If I didn’t know you I would think it was real.”

Well if I didn’t know you I would think your boobs are real but we all know there is a shit load of padding in that thing. Just as inappropriate to say. Please do not point out my insecurity. I do not comment on the fact that you look 15 pounds lighter because of your Spanx.

Maybe this is why some choose to wear a scarf on their head? I find this instantly shuts people up. It is like wearing a “I have cancer” sign around my neck. No one talks about my hair because it is clear I do not wish to show it, and no one comments on the fact I am wearing a scarf. It is the perfect solution! Only problem is I do not like to advertise my sickness. Next solution? I bought a ton of big winter hats. Now I am “that person” who does not take their hat off in a restaurant – but I really don’t care.

My arm hair though – still will not give up the fight. It is like it is saying to me, “Oh you think just because you have cancer I stop embarrassing you? Please bitch I am going no where.” Geeze arm hair – why you gotta be such a rebel? Like can’t you just thin out a bit? Now I don’t even wax it. I am just leaving it as an experiment to see how long it holds on till. Hopefully it shares its secret with my lashes and eye brows.

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The Many Faces of Jamie

 

Now that I have been off chemo since June, all of the chemicals are right out of my system. What does this mean? Hair growth – and I was just getting used to never having to shave. My head hair is not sparse, and is growing in quite thick. I look less like a cancer patient and more like a girl who just chose to cut her hair short. I still wear my wig for more public outings like a nice restaurant date. I look at it like an accessory. Yes, you can go out with no jewellery on and still look nice – but do you not feel that extra dolled up once you have bling’d yourself out? That is how I feel about my wigs. I am confident in public without them, but I feel that extra special when I am wearing one.

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The one thing that is really getting on my nerves now is when I am asked for ID. I have always loved going to the casino, but since my diagnosis I find I am going more often. It seems to be the only place where my brain shuts off completely, and all I think about is what machine I should sit at next. A full mind vacation. (Do not worry. I have discussed this with my therapist and she said it is perfectly healthy.) So as you can imagine I am now being asked for ID more than usual. Every single time I am now, it is a long process. I guess I look extremely different without hair? (I beg to differ). Honestly, there are moments after countless signature signing that I am tempted to just lift of my shirt, show them my wound, and ask them “Now do you believe me?”. I know it is there job but come ooonnnn. Next time I go I might just wear a wig. When they ask me to remove my glasses, maybe my hand gets caught a shifts my hair back. Give them a good scare. I would love to be asked to remove my wig in public. Oh the words I would have for that guard.